I’m sitting here and don’t even know what to write. There is like 5 million thoughts running through my head and I’m not even sure if I am going to publish this. I’m sitting here after 3 years and going through a break up. I have decided at this point in time I need to take time for myself. I don’t mention him very much on here because I wanted to keep it separate. While I am the type of person who will bring up anything in a conversation with someone even if I just met them, I do think somethings should be private.
I chose to keep this part of my life private because I didn’t want the scrutiny of the world on here. This is a place where I try to promote positivity and a totally different vibe than what I am going through at the moment. But I feel I want to talk about it, or just how I’m feeling right now and I have no shame in that.
Truly believe that everyone is put in your life for a reason. You meet people and stay with people through tough times because there is a greater lesson for you to learn. Now, this isn’t a post where I’m going to trash him on the internet or turn into a spiritual post about religion, you can interpret this however you want. I’m not going to dive into deep details on what happened or how it went wrong because I want to keep that to myself and people close to me – so please respect that.
I am someone who gives many second chances in life to most people around her. I REALLY hope that people can change, and not just the people I am in a relationship with. I 100% believe people make mistakes because none of us are perfect, but how many chances is too many chances? Now this is a question we all need to ask ourself, and that we each will answer differently. Some people go by one chance is it and others like me really hold on and hope people will change. My view point is totally situational and I try to view everything as how I would want to be treated.
But I gave too many chances and I was burnt. The hardest part of it all, I lost one of the most important things to me, my dog. It was our dog we got together (but really his). This is the part that I am struggling with the most at this moment. I am so lucky I have MOMO because I don’t know how I would be without him.
I really am the type of person to try and never say never. I am constantly looking to evolve my view points and change myself for the better. But at this point in time, I have to step away. It has taken a long time for me to get to this point, but I’m not mad at myself for doing so. I think I did what I felt was best in that moment and I felt like I was holding on hope that at this point in time will never change.
Why is it so hard as women to decide when to step away from not only relationships but anyone in our lives? For those women who are strong enough to recognize immediately, I applaud you. For those who have stuck it out and given those chances and it did work out, i applaud your strength as well. And for those of you in my situation right now, I feel you sister.
What do I want out of this? I want to find myself. I have felt lost for quite some time now (not just related to my relationship) and I am going to work on getting back to a point of where I am comfortable with myself. I think that each of these situations that’s what we need to do. Use it to grow and evolve. It is happening to us, but we don’t need to let it define us.
Cry it out, binge your shows, eat your heart out and take the time you need to grieve. Don’t lessen your self worth for someone who doesn’t recognize it, and that is something I am choosing not to do. My head is kind of foggy and I am just typing away what I feel at the moment and what I am thinking about. If this does end up posted, please leave me questions or topics to post below. I want to use this to move myself through this process and help other int he proves because thats how I get fulfillment in my life. But things you have experienced or thoughts that have gone through your head may help me navigate how I feel at the moment. So all is appreciated (I will not approve negative comments).