Take care, Taylor.

I wanted to start this blog as a hobby, but also because we’re all going through stuff in life that isn’t always happy. There are struggles that we always have to overcome and certain things aren’t talked about as much as they should be.

The last year and two months for me has been the hardest and most rewarding of my life. I was engaged to someone I had been with for 6 years and one month before our wedding out of no where he called the wedding off and ended everything. I was left with little answers and to pick up the pieces.

Now, I’m not going to bad mouth my ex. During the time we were together, I would not be where I am without him. He had his own personal struggles as to why he made this decision, much of that I do not have answers too.

At first it was extremely hard, but I’m very much a “do what you have to do” person, and I did what I needed to do to take care of myself. I got an apartment, I put myself in therapy almost every week, but no matter how much you try to Fix it and move on, it is not something that can be done overnight.

I have a lot of things I have struggled with for my entire life. Anxiety, depression, and in my early 20’s I was diagnosed with PTSD. These are all things that I have actively worked to manage and overcome.

The reason I’m writing this post is because the last week has been a tough week. Over a year since everything went down and for the most part I don’t have bad days, but then out of the blue I had a bad week. And I’m sure there are people out there that have been through what I’ve been through and worse. And it’s okay to take time to grieve and it’s okay that it comes up later on. There is no timeline to get better. Your don’t have to have your shit together all the time.

I am in a relationship now, and for the most part I’m good. But I was kind of awful to him this week and all I can do is apologize and recognize what I did and what I need to work on. Considering everything everything I’ve been through, I am managing pretty well. I met up with two of my best friends from college who now live out of state, and both of them have said how proud they are of me and how far I have come. I have gotten to the point I am at because I am not too proud to admit I’m “broken” and I’m not too proud to do what I have to do to make sure I am okay.

There is a stigma around mental health, and to be honest, we’re all a little mentally unstable. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and doing what you have to do to make sure you can move forward for your own benefit. I have lost some friends over this, but I am getting to the point of being healthy and happy.

If you wanna cry, cry. If you need to take time to yourself, take time to yourself. If you wanna go on vacation and just run away, running away doesn’t solve anything but a vacation will help you take a break!

I choose to follow this quote because it really speaks to mental illness: “happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Dumbledore is a wise man.

Xoxo

-Tay